Tha Myx InternationalAn Urban Church

Our families in the urban community are broken. 84% children are being born without a father in the home, 71% of children that are born are born out of wed lock. This is a stream to the jail system, prison. 90% of all the children in jail come from families who have no father.

Being that we serve such a community that’s broken, there are many young ladies, single women, single moms and the life are searching for a mate. Possibly for acceptance, love, security and more. We often find that there are predators in our community searching out vulnerable women. Women who have been taken advantage of all their lives.

I thought I would share some helpful thoughts on what it looks like for a single woman of God and what it is she should look for in a man who might be the right person for her.

There are a lot of guys in the world – 3.4 billion to be exact. That’s a lot of guys to wade through, which doesn’t help when you’re dating. Thankfully, those options narrows down quite a bit because any potential date has to be a believer. But dating can still be a challenge. Sometimes it’s hard to know who you should give a chance or who you should commit to after several dates. As Christian women, we know a guy we’re dating or possibly marrying has to be a Christ-follower… but how else are you supposed to know if he’s for you?

How do you know if he’s a keeper?

1. He’s A Servant

When wondering if you should keep dating a guy – look at how he spends his time: does he serve his church? Is he the kind of guy that helps his neighbors or friends when they have a need? A keeper is a hard worker, not only in his job, but everywhere else. He serves others as an act of worship to the Lord (Rom.12:11;Gal.5:13; 1 Pet. 4:10).

2. He’s Always Honest….Even When It May Hurt

A guy that’s a keeper is one that will kindly tell you the truth, ALL the time. If you ask him if those pants make your butt look big, he will tell you the truth. It may not always be what you want to hear every time but it’s for the best. Not only is his truthfulness obedience to the Lord (Prov. 12:17;14:25; 2 Cor. 6:7; Eph. 4:15,25) but it’s for your benefit too. When a guy is honest then you always know what to expect from him…the truth. If he says he’s working late then he’s really working late. He’ll always be someone you can count on for loving honesty.

3. He Takes the Lead

One of the hardest things about dating is wondering about the future. Are you both on the same page about where things are going? Will he be okay with the physical boundaries I’ve committed to?

No, he doesn’t boss you around, or try to control your every move, but a keeper does take initiative in the relationship. You won’t have to bring up the DTR after a month or two of dating, because he’s already done it (Eph. 5; 1 Pet. 3:7). You don’t have to talk with him about physical boundaries, because he’s already set them (Acts. 15:20,29; Rom. 13:13). He communicates with you, respects you, and let’s you know exactly what’s going on in the relationship so you’re not constantly wondering. He’s the leader.

4. He Only Has Eyes For You

One of the things that helped me know that I had a keeper when I was dating my husband was that he didn’t check girls out. He even did everything he could to avoid situations that might tempt him. He cared and respected me enough to keeps his eyes from wandering, but more importantly he knew that God had asked him to abstain from it (Prov.6:25; Matt.5:28 . His fear of the Lord and desire to live a life above reproach kept his eyes only for me. That’s the kind of guy you want to keep around!

5. He’s Got A Plan For His Life

Exceptional guys (which is the type you want to be with) have goals. They have ambition, they are seeking God’s guidance for their life and are doing what it takes to get where the Lord is leading them. And if they don’t know God’s exact plan for them yet, keepers are actively learning. They’re seeking the Lord to direct their future paths and then they’re taking the steps in walking that way (Prov. 3:5-6).

6. He Knows When He’s Wrong

A guy who is a keeper is teachable. That means he let’s the Lord mold him into a godly man and is able to let others teach him (Ps. 25:4-5; Prov. 1:7; 9:9; 13:1;15:33;19:20). He’s humble enough to know when he’s wrong and admits it. A keeper says “I’m sorry,” learns from his mistakes and changes to become more like Christ.

7. His Life Goals Match Well With Yours

When thinking about who to date, or continue dating, you need to figure out if you both have the same future goals. If he’s led to be a missionary in South Asia and you feel strongly about being a lawyer in Boston, well then that probably isn’t a match made in heaven. If your number one goal to serve the Lord anywhere he asks, and your date’s top priority is being with family, you are going to hit some rough patches. It doesn’t mean that God’s can change his priorities, or call you to the mission field with him, but it does need to be prayerfully considered.

When Alex and I were dating, I knew I was going to be in women’s ministry and had a heart for missions, while Alex was called to be a full-time missionary. After some time of dating, the Lord confirmed that I was going to minister to women and be a missionary. The life goals the Lord had given Alex matched well with mine and I knew I should keep him around for a bit longer!Being equally yoked doesn’t just mean that you share the same beliefs; it also means that you’re both heading in the same life direction (2 Cor. 6:13-15). A keeper’s goals lead you closer to where the Lord is leading you, not further away.

8. He Protects Your Heart

A keeper looks out for the best interests of the girl he’s dating. He’ll do everything he can to make sure that he’s not leading her on (this is where #2 and #3 come in) or that things are going at the appropriate level emotionally (Phil.4:7). He’s wise enough and cares enough to keeps things slow and helps to protect your heart (Prov.4:23), emotionally and spiritually, so that it remains reserved and focused on Christ above all else.

9. He Protects Your Reputation/Witness

He’s also careful to not lead her into circumstances that might put her reputation and Christian witness in jeopardy (Phil.2:3-5). He’ll avoid situations that might make people think less of her or are not above reproach (Eph. 5:3; Rom. 13:13). He’s her brother in Christ and he acts like it by putting his selfish desires aside to protect the heart and reputation of his sister in Christ. Because his primary goal is that God be glorified through their time together.

10. He Loves God More Than You

Wait, aren’t we always told that a guy needs to love you more than anything?! That’s what I used to think, too. But a guy that loves God more than you is a guy that will treat you far better than if he loved you above all else.

If a guy loves God first, then he’ll reflect Christ and desire godliness. A keeper loves God, follows God’s commands, and is continually desiring to please God. He’s going to be put your needs above his own because God, the one he loves above all else, has asked him too (Phil. 2:3-5). So that means, if you become his wife, that you’ll end up getting treated really well because God has commanded your guy to love you, serve you, and give himself up for you (Eph. 5:25-33).

There’s a lot more to choosing a guy than his height, job, or hobbies but godliness should be the #1 criteria.If he’s not seeking God then he’s not for you. And that’s not you being judgmental; it’s you being wise and discerning like God wants (Prov. 13:20; Rom. 12:2).

God has set a high standard of holiness for the guys you date for a reason; it’s for your best and it brings Him glory through your dating life (1 Cor.10:31). God desires for you to have a healthy dating life that glorifies the Gospel but that can only happen when you choose guys that are in line with God’s standards.

God has called His sons to certain standards but He’s done the same for His daughters. For a dating relationship to glorify Christ, it takes a godly guy and a godly girl. So before you begin going down the next dating path consider this: Am I the female counterpart of this list? Am I a woman that reflects Christ in my life and loves Him more than my desires for a guy’s love?

Hey all-

Since it’s been forever since I have jumped on here and blogged, I thought I would discipline myself to keep this up to date. I want to share information that I have written, researched as well as share information from some of the best practitioners out there in Theology as well as Christian Community Development. So here we go.

Today I start us off with a blog a friend of mine posted. It’s on Facebook Etiquette in my opinion. Today we have this misrepresentation of the POWER OF OUR LORD JESUS!

We post such things that would show the world in a sense, there is no hope…and leads to things said such as; “I would not want to be a Christian, there’s no hope in that Christianity.”

So hope you enjoy. Check back often for the update!!!

Facebook, Jesus, and your church

As at ten thousand other churches, use of Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, online forums and email affect the fellowship at Denver Bible Church. Consider these pastor’s tips for etiquette regarding online demeanor, the percentage of a congregation that “friends” one another, email use, and public ‘counseling.’

Online Demeanor & Your Church Witness: People are so much more polite to one another in grocery-store checkout lines than behind the wheel in traffic and on Internet forums. It’s not that automobiles and the web are sources of bad behavior. (Of course the horrendous temptation of pornography floods the Internet and every family should protect itself with a filter like Net Nanny.) Though as Jesus said, a man is not defiled “from outside… [but] what comes out of a man, that defiles a man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts… pride, foolishness” (Mark 7:18, 20-22). Of course healthy evangelism and discipleship include debate and confrontation, and some have tried to water down Christianity, and unintentionally advocate being nicer than God. But the relative anonymity of online forums daily brings out bad behavior in millions of web users. When Christians and others put on their “web face” and post on Facebook, it is so easy to be abrupt, sarcastic, and plain rude to people you would treat in person with great respect.

Recommendation: when possible, immediately or very quickly, bring disagreements and rebukes offline and in person, and avoid unnecessary taking sides and “piling on.”

Percent of Congregation: Sixty percent of churches in America have fewer than 100 weekly attendees and at the other end of the spectrum, one hundredth of one percent of churches (only 40 of them) have an attendance of more than 10,000. In a small church, if a dozen families “friend” one another, their Facebook posts, for example, appear on the web pages of most of the members in the church, and as a result, whatever they write has apparent approval of the church. For example, imagine a church member posting a joke about the murder of an abortionist, or a positive review of a movie he saw that weekend, even though the film had seductive immorality. If the member belonged to a large fellowship, his post would not seem to have the inherent approval of the whole church. Whereas, in a small church, as the percentage of attendees who “friend” each other increases, the presumption of church approval for each “posting” increases. (By the way, movies with sexual nudity harm everyone, and no one should recommend such films; Mark 9:42; 1 Cor. 6:18.)

Recommendation: regardless of the size of your church, ask God to help you avoid being a bad influence; consider “unfriending” those who lack wisdom in some post, not as a condemnation but as a way of limiting the distribution of that post; don’t flaunt the liberty you have in Christ; and realize that you are an ambassador of the Lord Jesus.

Email: Don’t be a Christian spammer. The world doesn’t need Christian thieves, Christian drunkards, nor Christian spammers. Increasingly, automatic filters delete emails with non-descript subjects like: “Read This,” “Don’t miss,” etc. Forward emails only after careful thought. If you forward a false rumor, you are responsible for harm it may produce. Check out questionable stories before sharing them, otherwise you will lose credibility, and that will harm your testimony. Don’t put the burden on your friends to check out the truthfulness of the email you send. You check it out first. And if it’s not worth your time to personalize the subject, it might not be worth your friend’s time to open it, which now he must do just to find out the topic. Consider being similarly helpful by describing a link in an email rather than sending just a raw link. Also, if you email a group of people, use “Bcc” (blind carbon copy) to “hide” their identities because otherwise, you will be distributing their email IDs in a single, easy-to-copy list that will possibly multiply the spam they receive and might even facilitate harmful emails going to a wide group.

Recommendation: learn to recognize and avoid spam; don’t spread rumors; and be thoughtful of your recipient’s time.

Public Counseling: an Internet forum hardly even qualifies as a poor man’s counseling couch. If someone reveals online their own destructive beliefs or behavior, a proper response will often depend on your geographic locations. If you will never meet this person, who perhaps lives half-way around the world, and you decide according to biblical standards to correct, confront, or rebuke him, you may have to do so publicly. (Of course, you might have more success if you minister through a private instant message or email.) But if you regularly see this person you care about at church, twitter-like counseling can easily be the result of laziness or even cowardice, leading to online rather than in-person dialogue. As Jesus said, “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone” (Mat. 18:15-17). As much of the New Testament consists of epistles, Jesus could have said, “Send him a letter.” But He did not. And of course the Lord’s instruction applies to private sin. Public sin and wrongdoing by leaders often requires public confrontation as occurs in Scripture. For otherwise, such misapplication of the Lord’s teaching would effectively insulate generally inaccessible leaders of large ministries from accountability to their flock.

Recommendation: don’t twitter away your opportunity to minister to a brother in need by unnecessary public rebuke; counsel your brother in person.

Online, as with all human interaction, we need God’s wisdom to honor Him through our words and deeds. Please ask God for discernment and to help you love Him and others. Bad behavior, even if somewhat unintentional on your part, can inflict great harm on another. Seek the Lord in everything and you will be a blessing to your physical and web neighbors!